I put my dog down last year.
When his behavior started changing 2 years before he died, I took him to TBE, where we had been going, and I was told he was "just aging." He ended up having Canine Cogni... Read More
I put my dog down last year.
When his behavior started changing 2 years before he died, I took him to TBE, where we had been going, and I was told he was "just aging." He ended up having Canine Cognitive Disorder, and I went through three vets and months and months of lost treatment time before someone would believe me that he wasn't right and started treating him with the appropriate medication - at that point, his symptom progression was slowed, but he'd already lost so much of his mind.
After 2 years, it was time to put him to sleep. I waffled with my new vet and canceled the appointment. Then I realized I made a mistake and tried to remake it, but couldn't. The Big Easy was great when I called! They fit us in on short notice. I told them exactly what I wanted - he needed to be asleep before they gave the final injection. His mind was gone, and I wanted him to go to sleep peacefully before his heart stopped.
The tech injected him with the first chemical. After awhile, he started keening and taking short, panicked breaths. I asked when he was going to sleep, and was very distressed because I didn't want him to be afraid as he went. The tech told me that procedure was that they are put in deep but conscious sedation and then given the final injection, and that because of his condition, he was probably confused and reacting tot hat confusion.
My drive to be polite usually keeps me from speaking up for myself but I was so distraught and angry for him I said, "I KNOW what procedure is, and I said that I didn't want him to be semiconscious because he is ALWAYS confused. I wanted him to be ASLEEP. I was not unclear at any time about what we needed. I want him ASLEEP."
So the tech paused a moment (at this point, I've probably been put into the "difficult client" category), and said she'd go get the vet. I waited with my dog laying across my torso crying in panic. This is how they would have let him go before stopping his heart!
The vet came in and said she'd give him a more potent sedative and picked him up and took him to another room. I was in such a state I didn't think to follow, and that's on me. That's the last time I saw him with his eyes open. When she brought him back, he was out cold.
I took a few minutes to tell him all the things I wanted him to hear and then told her to give him the last shot.
I waited a year to write this because I was afraid of being unfair in my grief, but the fact is that I wasn't listened to because they thought they knew better, and my good, sweet boy's last conscious moments were in a room away from me, and he was so scared.
The took us when they didn't have to, which was so generous, but they've left me with a lifetime of regret and sorrow that I wasn't a good enough advocate for my dog. I know that probability means that at some point a vet is going to make a mistake, and because of the nature of the industry, it could be a heartbreaking one, but this wasn't a mistake. This was a group of people who made a dismissive decision not to listen to me because they were sure they knew better, and the result was that a little dog suffered. Read Less